While engaged I was often told by the old-timers that the first year of marriage can be very hard. “The hardest of them all”, I was warned. CRAZY TALK! I thought, it’s the Honeymoon Phase. Of all the years the first should be the best.
Then it occurred to me that their first year of marriage was also their first year of living together. That explains everything. The first year of living with a new person can be very very challenging. There are things and ways of doing things that you have done your whole life and this other person does them so differently, or as my mind puts it “so wrong”. Matt and I sailed through our first year of living together about 4 years ago, and it was smooth.
Now though we find ourselves with our toes on the very edge of the starting line to our adventure. We are in that moment where we know we are about to start, but can’t move quite yet. And it can be frustrating.
As if moving weren’t enough stress, I also quit my job. I was going to anyways in January, but moved it up a couple months. So now for the first time in our six year relationship Matt, who used to have have days and days of free time now has me right next to him. Just staring at him… blinking… wondering what to do because it is only 9:00am and I have already: walked the dogs, made breakfast, swept the floor, and made our bed. Chores –check.
Keep in mind that I also had 50 or so hours every week that I was occupied. No more. I now have nothing but free time. I wonder if my not working has also contributed some to our current situation. In addition to me being less than a foot from him at all times in the RV, I am also not bringing in the dough that I used to. I’m sure that adds to the stresses.
I don’t want you to get the wrong idea that we are fighting. Matt and I don’t fight. There is just a small fraction of tension lacing some of our conversations. The tension is usually more obvious in the conversations about how to arrange the RV and what should go where. We both have very different views and ideas and they are not coming together entirely peacefully.
I thought that prepping the RV would be sort of like planning our wedding. I had my list, he had his list. We did not question the other, we simply did what was on our list and then crossed it off. Even though we did not make a list, I thought our roles for prepping the RV were defined. Matt learned all about the water and electrical systems (and basically any other system there is on board) while I cut and sewed and decorated and stocked the fridge, hung pictures and made it into our home. But he has an opinion about how things should go inside and out. I don’t blame him, he’s a smart and opinionated man, but when those opinions do not match with my vision it just gets a bit tense.
Other than these small “Shrinking Pains” we are all adjusting very well. The dogs get 2-3 walks every day so they can get out some energy and “go”. The hot water is VERY hot (and there is more than I thought there would be!), the delicious, organic and local food is nice and cold in the fridge, and our bed is AMAZING, really really AMAZING! All in all it is going great, I just hope these will be the end of our “Shrinking Pains”.
xoxo
Breezy.
Living together in tight quarters is a challenge to all who do it. At least being aware of it helps but “cabin fever” can set in pretty quickly so spend some time brainstorming now how to work with this. Walks are good and not just for the dogs!! They are not the only ones who will get pent-up energy. Play soccer, do yoga, etc. It’s important to have things to do on your own that happen outside of the RV. You’re right – Matt is gonna need some space each day and after having been working every day you’re gonna need something to keep you from being bored. If you’re gonna be in SD for awhile before hitting the road, how about taking a weekend writing class thru community college extension? And even though you’re fancy free – most people are much happier when they have some kind of goals to work towards. Have either of you taken first-aid and CPR class? Travelling on your own – that would be very good knowledge to have. And I imagine there’s a fair amount of research to do with regards to where you’ll be travelling. Anyway, enough yada-yada from me, you’re both very smart, creative people so I know you’ll come up with some great ideas!! Can’t wait to hear what you come up with.
A marriage takes work. It takes patience. It takes stamina. You guys hang in there. I’m counting on you. Keep trying. Keep loving each other. Please.
If you make it until the week of February 2nd, I’m guaranteed sixty-three dollars.
(We each threw a dollar into the DivorceWatch pool…)
I’M KIDDING, YOU MOMS!!!!!
It was really ten dollars.
LOL! Very funny, James! You are such a kidder. But glad you clarified it for us moms cause you know we are reading this blog avidly :-)